Yes the first round of the IBL (Irish Bouldering League) was in town... University College Dublin to be precise. Registration officially started at 10ish (what seemed to many, including myself, as an ungodly hour of the morning).

Unfortunately, due to the complete incompetance (did I say that?) of the organizers, last years idea of one big session was spurned upon and the competition went back to the 'ye olden times'-format of three sessions. As per usual, all the wallrats were out in force chalking up and taping various bodily parts. The first session was in full swing when the more sensible climbers arrived (and not to mention the train from 'bogland').

As per usual per usual, the queues for the boulder problems were longer that the queues for the toilet in a packed bar on a Friday night, and they nearly might have been as long as the queues for one toilet when all the others have been blocked by someone trying to stuff down as many mountain logs as possible. Hell, it was a pretty good boulder problem just to get your scorecard to one of the markers.

But enough bitching...oh no, wait a minute...Yes just a minor point...THERE WAS NO BANANAS!..The complete stupidity (did I say that?) of the organizers failed to remember the key element of any bouldering competition, a box full of Chiquita bananas. Not only was there no bananas, there was also no Coke, no water, no chocolate (we can always hope), no programs and more importantly no posters to steal off the wall. But hey, I'll be nice for a bit: Three cheers for the organizers not allowing Chris Rooney to set up his decks!

The first session was quite busy, but numbers increased exponentially when news got around that both Patrick Davey and his new rival, Domhnall Brannigan had left their pyjamas behind them. At lunchtime THE session began, a session that would sort the men from the boys, the women from the girls and the big penises from the smaller ones. I, needless to say, upon seeing the prospective competitors, decided that the third session was for me. All that I can say to those people who ventured into the arena for the second session is "What a mistaka to maka!". The second session was completely manic with people running around like headless chickens vying for supremacy. Generally, especially in the Male B, the cocks won!

As for the boulder problems, as Domhnall put it "the routes were actually set by an orangutan". Yes folks, the competition has gotten harder. This may be due to the fact that the IBL is getting increasingly popular pulling the spidermen out of the cracks... and thus the route setters are forced to set difficult routes to accomodate them but probably because that the routes were set by tall masochistic bastards with long arms and sticky fingers (I'm not bitter...honest!). During the sessions the morale was low, helped by the occassional wit of Conor "Tigger" Reynolds and his "Tigger" hat and possibly also when Conor Burns fell off a route! Another comment to make was that there didn't seem to be many "warm-up" routes to get those body parts moving. Angie did her best by skulking off to the pub to get that right arm warmed up just fine. Another first for the competition was that the boulder problems weren't graded, which I suppose was both a good and bad thing: Good because unknowingly, climbers will invariably get a boulder problem that would be a grade above their level. Bad because you don't know which problems to ignore to save yourself the embarrassment.

After a couple of hours of sweating, sighing, shifting and groaning the second epic session was finished. Some notable casualties were our club's freshers, who didn't quite know what they were letting themselves in for on Saturday morning. Most came out haggled and depressed, relating tales of epic problems to other competitors. Then the faithful departed, overwhelmed by the chance to eat some food at Conor Reynolds' house as opposed to watching me in the third session....I didn't need them anyway! The third session passed with ease, nice leisurely climbing with virtually no queues. It was kinda fun to climb then, in a very perverse sense.

After the competition was over, it was upstairs to sample some of the absolute crap that the UCD Sports Bar had to offer..and boy was it awful. The pints were dire, the atmosphere was shite, with most watching two teams, cream each other on the rugby pitch, on a big screen. At least the company was good and the bag of food that was brought back (Aww..you remembered me!) was tasty...[special thanks to Holly for that one]. After an hour of anecdotes and those pissheads messing around with the computer the prize-giving started.

The winners were announced with Jon Gilmore, Eddie Cooper and Danny Buckton getting the first three places in Male A; Joan Flanagan and Jennie Coughlan managing to share first in the Female section; Christopher Kelly getting the top score in the Junior section (dammit he's good!) and as for Male B.....

Do I???...Should I???...It's wrong really...But everyone else is doing it so why can't I?? But I'd probably feel really guilty!...Has that man no shame????....Ahhh fuck it!!... BOOOOOOOOOOO.....HISSSSSSSSSSSSS.....BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.......HISSS Yes the funniest moment of the night was the standing ovation of boos for Conor Burns going up to get his prize for coming first in Male B. This is a man who got 15th place in Male A in last years competition at UCD. There's no pleasing some people.

Well how did we all do? Not very good really, although some of us did exceptionally well. The problems were far too hard and stretchy with not enough confidence building routes. [Special merits to Conor Reynolds for coming 10th and Holly Spaulding for coming 5th in the sections Male A and Female respectively]. The crack was high and mighty until everyone went home. I told you that the competitions away from Dublin are always better. Ahhhwell...roll on DCU.

Glynn Foster (7/11/98)