So there we were, myself and Claudia, heading off for twoweeks of climbing and climbing, and climbing. After a disgustingly early start and a fair share of ryanair incompetence we caught our cheap flights to Paris beauvais, paid an extortionate 10euros to get to the arse end of paris and caught a metro to the gare de lyons, where our train to fontainebleu awaited our arrival - 14euros return.

The campsite (one of them) is near a village called Barbizon, and is refreshingly FREE. Thatīs because its a field with a tap in it and lots of smelly climbers. We got a taxi because weīre lazy and that cost 20ish between us, but you can get a bus and then walk for an hour or so, or else hitch.

You can get food and stuff in the village or the HUGE supermarket if you have a car. the village isnīt very expensive, but if yóuīre going on the cheap you can stock up in the supermarket down the road from the train station.

So, there we were, in bas cuvier looking for boulders to climb - it may sound a bit silly but its whats done over there. So we got lost on the way to the boulder field, but made it eventually. There is stuff there for everyone to climb, it really doesnīt matter what grade youīre climbing when you go there, you only get better. Unless something tragic happens.......

so there was I standing on the ground, boulder mat in front of me and Claudia above me, when suddenly the situation changed. The boulder mat stayed in the same place, but claudia made a speedy change of location, and - remarkably - a hungarian doctor ran over from one of the nearby boulders. After a bit of waiting, some chocolate and coca cola, we madea quick visit to fontainebleu hospital, discovered that the Austrian mountaineering council insure their members against this sort of thing. It really is amazing what Hungarian doctors are capable of knowing.

To cut a long story short, Claudiaīs knees and climbing had a bit of a tiff. A day or so later, Glynn and Kev Nash arrived to see if they could conquer the wonders of the famous font. They did, mostly, while I wandered around asking people for corkscrews and Claudia learnt to walk again with very fashionable blue crutches. We never had any problem hitching lifts. Maybe the great outdoors should sell lightweight collapsable crutches for waving at passing cars.

By the end of the week Claudiaīs knees were much better and I was the one squeaking in pain and wondering where all the skin on my fingers had gone. So off we went to the next stage of trip.

El Chorro. Practicalities: fly to malaga, then get a train to malaga renfe, then a train to el chorro for a couple of euros. cars might be handy, but really arenīt needed. Or if your flights are in late, you can get a taxi for 50 is, which is cheaper than staying in malaga if theres a few of you, but more expensive than sleeping in the airport. the campsite is very near the crags, and costs 3per person and 1.65 per tent. Therīse a pool, showers, glorious showers, and a very cheap bar. There are at least three shops in the village, but you really have to look for them. One is beside the trainstation but the other two are further up the road. Just follow the signs and knock on the dorr when you get there. There is a climbing shop in el chorro which selss all sorts of useful things. The grades are fairly wide ranging, but if youīre not heading towards 6a, you might get a bit bored. Costs are pretty cheap, even without the very cheap supermarkets. Depending on your preferences, you can feed three or four people for a fiver or so. Things like chorisso and pistachios are a bit more expensive. I have no idea why that is relevant. What is very relevant is that it is by far the best idea to bring a 60m, if not a 65 or 70m rope. It makes life a lot easier.

So now for the gossip. Myself, Claudia and Carole had two days before 11 blokes descended on our peaceful existence. Once that happened, the mayhem began. The bar began to stock up in advance, and stopped giving us their glasses, taking a lesson from the buttery and providing plastic ones. On one of the first nights, all the lads decided that they had to eat vast quantities of meat leading to kev nash saying please glynn, not more suasage.

Paddy clarke, hahaha, was rendered speechless by a burger. Iīm not sure if that was before or after he nearly set the place on fire, but it was definately before declan nearly blew the place up and Keith, the taxman, burnt all his manly leg hair off. Some of the less brave among us went for the restaurant option. sensible choice.

Another night, Kev and Glynn took up a bouldering challenge from a local, and swung from roofbeams, taking bits of the building down when they came.

Carlos and Ian spent most of their time seeing the wonderful sights that Andalucia has to offer. Churches, towns, pueblos, that kind of thing and if you are taking a car, bring a good map, the sign posts are crap apparently.

The bolts are pretty good though, as Kev Moroney found out when he took what has been described asa whipper, but he persevered and was climbing in fine fettle by the end of the week.

A trad rack is needed for quite a few routes, but if you want to stick to bolts, there are more than enough climbs to keep you happy. Even Colyday engaged in some vertical activity, sometimes accompanied by the melodious sound of a frenchman playing irish trad on an icelandic flute - ok I made up the icelandic bit.

Oh I forgot be mention that deccie did his infamous iceclimbing dance and got us all invited to a the barmanīs birthday party. We all made complete fools of our drunken selves and had īsure the great craic altogetherī.

Between us we managed to visit a good few different crags, and the general consensus seemed to be that albercones and escalare arabe were the best. Albercones is about two minutes from the campsite, and Escalare Arabe is about an hours walk away, or 20 minutes by car up a crap road.Some of the routes were boulder problems, of the one move wonder variety, while a few of the longer ones were sustained delights of the delicious kind. the first 5, or 6, canīt recall, pitches of amtrax are a must. Its fully bolted with hanging belay points until it very obviously isnīt and you can abseil down then if you arenīt up for climbing trad on what looks like loose rock - noone did the last two pitches so I donīt know what they are like, except that they arenīt bolted.

I think thatīs all for now folks, If Iīve forgotten anything important just hit me sometime.

Ger.